No, I haven’t gotten my sports terminology mixed up, although to be fair when it comes to tennis (and for “tennis” read “sport”) I don’t know my arse from my elbow. So while most Wimbledon-watchers the last few days will have been admiring the games of the players, in a literal sense, I’ve been more interested in the game of a different kind of player.

In general, I’m a bit perplexed by Bradley Cooper’s child-like companion, Suki Waterhouse, and despite their PDA-laden Wimbledon outing on Friday, I remain unconvinced that theirs is a completely genuine relationship. In fact, maybe because of their PDA-laden Wimbledon outing on Friday, I remain unconvinced that theirs is a genuine relationship, because real couples don’t have to try that hard, and celebrity couples will often be a bit more reserved when they know there are cameras around, unless they feel they have something to prove. For example, divorce rumours will often be countered with a few enthusiastic PDAs on the red carpet or by arrangement with the paparazzi, while other kinds of rumours are best addressed with a hot young model, half your age, who you publicly can’t keep your hands off.

The romantic in me wants to believe that people wouldn’t do that, but the cynic in me knows that they would, and they do, especially when one half of a couple has so much to lose and the other half has so much to gain. Which brings me back to Suki Waterhouse, who is trying very, very hard to make herself happen while Bradley holds that window of opportunity open for her. For the most part it’s working, but as a side note, much like her buddy Cara Delevingne, I don’t really get her appeal, and as a model I think she lacks that indefinable superstar quality that makes a girl unforgettable. Being normal-girl-pretty with an A-List boyfriend wouldn’t have made you a supermodel in the 90s, I’m just saying.

Anyway, true to form, she tried very, very hard to make her visit to Wimbledon count, and while she’s clearly enjoying being one half of The Bradley and Suki Show, and taking full advantage of the opportunities that affords her, her outfit says she’s prepared to take The Suki Show on the road, solo, as soon as the world is ready for it.

She wore a head to toe Alberta Ferretti runway look, and is it just me or is this way too much for Wimbledon? You only have to look at the men in suits and the women in smart but somewhat subdued choices to know that there’s a dress code here, and while this shirt with a plain skirt or this skirt with a plain top might have felt more appropriate, both together feel… well, kind of like this was an appearance sponsored by Alberta Ferretti. That kind of calculated approach to fashion, if not handled very carefully, can get very tiresome, very quickly, and budding fashion girls should be careful to appear effortlessly chic, or people get jaded on their behalf with the amount of effort they’re seen to exert. There’s almost as much effort gone into this look as there is being put into this PDA.

I hope she paid attention to Amy Huberman, sitting right behind Suki (and hoping Sadie and Brian have such a cute relationship in 20 years) in a gorgeous – but sadly sold out – Ikat print Folkster shift dress.

Summery and fresh, with minimal accessories and smart enough for the occasion, Amy’s got effortless chic down to a fine art, and anyone who follows her on twitter knows she has effortless wit to match.

@BrianODriscoll "Oh Bradley you're so dreamy. If only we could ditch these two a run away together" pic.twitter.com/cL9OqzOHhn

— Amy Huberman (@amyhuberman) July 6, 2014

Brian IS pretty buff, so I can’t help but wonder how amenable Bradley might be to that suggestion…

Also playing it perfectly on Friday (and long overdue a gushing Dress Down post!) was Kiera Knightly in a simple, midi-length navy tea dress. She was also posing up a storm with husband James Righton, but in a slightly more humourous way.

If Suki and Bradley had been back for the men’s final on Sunday, Victoria Beckham could have given her a few tips on dialing down the try.

Her fashion transformation over the last five years has been nothing short of miraculous, and the (possibly Spring 15) Victoria Beckham dress she wore to Wimbledon has a suitably sporty feel, with that very fitted tank cut and the banded colourblock skirt.

Very modern, very VB, and very suitable for Wimbledon.

I’m not sure what to make of this next pairing, as former (?) VB BFF Kate Beckinsale showed up with Orlando Bloom! Also a chronic over-dresser, even Kate dialed it down for Wimbledon, keeping it simple in tennis whites.

I can’t find a full length photo, but I like the look of this textured, waist-length crop top and coordinating skirt, which, for me, is the best (if not only) way to a work a crop top if you’re over 25.

And last but not least, always one to err on the side of caution where appropriateness is concerned, Kate Middleton made two Wimbledon appearances.

The first, last Wednesday, saw a rerun of the Zimmerman lace dress she wore on the Great But Dull Fashion Tour of Australia and New Zealand. It works just as well in the British sunshine, and I’m a bit taken a back to see that cute little fan-shaped straw clutch, which seems a remarkably individualistic and non-generic touch for her.

I actually really liked this dress when she wore it with the tan wedges in Australia, but the fan site What Kate Wore tells me she went with her trusty LK Bennett nude “Sledge” pumps on this occasion. I wish they’d also tell me why someone with a limitless wardrobe budget seemingly has only one pair of shoes, but that’s a discussion for another day.

For the men’s final yesterday she wore an equally pretty Jonathan Saunders dress, a simple, belted shape in a striking but not OTT print.

No word on the shoes but that patent nude LK Bennet clutch tells me the Sledge pumps got another outing, because God forbid she’d make too many interesting choices in one week. Honestly, this shoe situation is going to require some closer investigation.

TDD.

WHY??