Hollywood publicists were putting in some serious overtime this week, as the week in gossip was dominated by celebrities getting themselves in trouble, or simply being ridiculed, for saying all kinds of stupid things. Asides from the now almost daily occurrence of celebrities making misinformed statements about feminism, which I wrote about on Friday, we had racist and homophobic slurs to contend with, dubious scientific claims from her Goopiness, Gwyneth Paltrow, and an ill-considered rape analogy from her Bitchiness, Charlize Theron.
The most overworked publicist of the week has to be Justin Bieber’s, as his Swaginess (seen below, “swagging”) has been mired in an ongoing racism controversy. Videos have “surfaced” of a 15 year old Beebs making racist jokes, repeatedly using the “n” word, and joking about joining the KKK.
While his initial apology – “As a young man, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt. I thought it was ok to repeat hurtful words and jokes, but didn’t realize at the time that it wasn’t funny and that in fact my actions were continuing the ignorance… I’m very sorry… Five years ago I made a reckless and immature mistake and I’m grateful to those close to me who helped me learn those lessons as a young man. Once again… I’m sorry.” – was unreserved, surprisingly well written, did not contain the word “swag” and therefore was clearly penned by that over-worked publicist who is wondering how this is their life now, as Laineygossip pointed out when a second, longer, and much more disturbing video came out, Baby Beebs’ follow-up apology focused on how hard this has been for him, because we all should remember that it’s not easy being a dick.
As Jonah Hill also learned this week. I have a lot of time for Jonah Hill, he’s very talented, very grateful for his career, gives funny, self effacing, refreshingly candid interviews, and recently he made a bigger ass out of Ryan Tubridy than even Ryan Tubridy has been able to make of himself. However, he struck a more serious note when he was on Jimmy Fallon this week and decided to use his spot to apologise for using a homophobic slur last weekend.
As apologies go, there’s no doubting his sincerity. He doesn’t use the classic “I’m sorry IF I offended you…” and he seems genuinely ashamed about what he said rather than merely pissed off that it was caught on video. It was really important that he fully and unreservedly apologised for his use of the word, but, given the key demographic that he appeals to, I’m glad he also took the time to explain why he feels he resorted to that and why he knows it was wrong.
Meanwhile Charlize Theron’s publicist got the week off, because despite making the headlines for comparing press intrusion to rape, Charlize apologizes to no one, actual victims of actual rape included. This is not the first time this analogy has been used by a celebrity, but Charlize in particular should recognise the power of that word. Her involvement in anti-rape campaigns in her home country of South Africa, where a woman is actually raped every 26 seconds – not photographed, not written about, but actually raped – means she should know better, but this article argues her understanding of the word entitles her to use it, while this article helpfully points out that this horrific photo of two young Indian rape victims hanging from a tree might offer a little perspective.
Speaking of Charlize, gossip gurus were quick to solve this Blind Item, because there’s not too many tall, bitchy blondes that have been photographed “indulging” in fruit.
But hey, at least we know what Charlize is smoking, whereas you have to wonder what Gwyneth Paltrow is on. In her mind, this week saw her continue her steady march towards a Nobel Prize for Most Outstanding Contribution to Humanity, but humanity keeps auto-correcting that to Outstandingly Useless Contribution because her latest slice of Goopy pseudo-science is her most confounding yet. Claiming that negativity hurts water’s feelings because a coffee-table book told her so, don’t be surprised if she follows this up with an exclusive Goop.com platinum-dipped negativity-resistant water bottle for $1,500, because membership of the One Percent evidently means checking your brain at the door.
The delightfully scathing Marina Hyde at Lost in Showbiz eviscerated this lunacy here so I don’t have to, and I’ll continue storing up my Gwyneth rage for the Dress Down to end all Dress Downs.
We also gossiped this week about new, old and rumoured couples, as we bade a fond farewell to J-Lo’s boy-toy, Casper Smart, and thank the Lord she didn’t marry him. Casper is sick of being known as J-Lo’s boyfriend and thinks he’s ready to be a star in his own right. He says he’ll pursue a career in acting, but we know he’ll do a year or two on the reality TV circuit, where he’ll complain about being known as J-Lo’s ex-boyfriend, even though we’ll know that he knows he was only hired because he’s J-Lo’s ex-boyfriend. Meanwhile, J-Lo will be lining up a summer companion that she can hopefully marry this Christmas, and we can only hope her dumpster-diving dalliance with Casper taught her a valuable lesson in dating below your station. Don’t promote the back-up dancer when you can just aim a little higher to begin with.
We said farewell too to the couple who pre-dated celebrity couple nicknames and therefore, tragically, were never known as Meltonio. What a wasted opportunity that was. Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith called time on their marriage this week. Melanie is the one who filed for divorce, but as she continues down the sad, sad road of extreme fillers and plastic surgery, if Antonio were to say “She’s not the woman I married” he might mean it more literally than most.
Meanwhile, confirmed new couple Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are taking applications for their tabloid moniker, with Benjimon being the obvious front-runner, and if rumoured couple-in-the-making Sandra Bullock and Chris Evans actually happen, that might finally give him an angle that helps me distinguish him from the other blonde, muscular Chrises, Hemsworth and Pine.
And with that, I’m off to commence binge watching season two of Orange is the New Black. I got a little giddy watching this mash-up, till I remembered how disappointing the last series of Arrested Development was.
I’ve had actual jobs that were less hard work than that much anticipated season four, and come to think of it, I never even finished watching it. I doubt that’ll be the case with OITNB… reviews have been amazing, and I can’t wait to reconnect with some of the most interesting and diverse female characters on TV right now, and that includes the amazing Laverne Cox, who is sadly still dealing with bigoted assholes like this guy even as she continues to open up about the bullying and abuse she endured growing up. Happily she’s at a point where she can chalk that up as “part of the journey” that got her to where she is today – a strong, inspirational woman and a talented actress who’s earned her place in a hit tv show, on Time magazine’s cover and as poster girl for the transgender rights movement.