And don’t let them tell you otherwise. These two were made for each other, so it’s no surprise that their “volatile”, “on again off again” friendship is back on again. This tweet from Simon made it official,
It's official. Cheryl is back.
— Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell) March 10, 2014
but the revolving door of X Factor spins so fast that she could be on the outs again next week. At the very least I expect a feud to be brewing by… the start of September? It’s too predictable. Anyway, mostly I try really, really hard not to care about this show. I lost a perfectly good winter’s worth of Saturday nights when I became waaaay too emotionally invested in the first series of Pop Idol back in 2001, and I saw this televisual crack for what it is: tawdry theatrics peppered with emotional blackmail, over-the-top dresses and occasional pyrotechnics. Which ordinarily sounds like a recipe for my perfect tv show (Hello! Gossip Girl!) but this thing runs for half a year! Ain’t nobody got time for that.
So since that first, frankly embarrassing (did I cry when Will Young won? Maybe I did. Who can say?), roller coaster ride on the Syco train, I try to avoid getting sucked back in. Because, for all my cynicism about the show, it could totally happen. It almost did, the One Direction year! *Shudder*
But, moving quickly on: Cheryl’s back, forcing me to recall the whole American X Factor debacle, when she made a misguided attempt to out-USA the USA with huge hair and a wardrobe that Dolly Parton might have called “a bit much”. Thousands of eastern European orphans are still trying to grow out the buzz cuts they got so that Cheryl could launch herself on an unsuspecting American public with this much hair.
Sadly though, the mission was a failure, because no amount of fake hair can compensate for making such a bizarre first impression, and there was also the accent. No one could understand her. The emotional impact of her telling her devoted mentees “Yeh lake me lihhle sisteh, an em soooo prud-eh-ye” would be completely wasted on a bewildered American audience, and so, she was unceremoniously sent packing, and a fine pair of purple slacks would never see the light of day again.
In the meantime, Queen Cheryl had been replaced on the UK X Factor, and a bewildered Irish audience was left wondering “What’s a Tulisa, and why is it wearing that dress?”
Fast forward to today, and Tulisa is… in prison? X factor’s ratings are in the toilet. Simon wants to drag a few more seasons out of his money-making machine, and Cheryl is back to help. And furthermore, she has discovered that blow drys can smooth as well as volumise! Could she have realised that less is sometimes more? This outfit says: Yes!
The Lela Rose dress, form fitting but not tight, with its latticed mesh bodice, is a very chic little number, and the pointed snakeskin Louboutin pumps give it a nice bit of edge. But it’s the sunglasses that I’m lusting for! If you want to lend a subtle hint of nineties cool to your spring wardrobe, these are the way to do it.
In the wonderful nineties rom-com, Only You, Marissa Tomei wears one of my all time favourite film wardrobes, including an amazing pair of sunglasses that I’ve now convinced myself are exactly like these! If this sleeker, cooler, chicer Cheryl is a sign of things to come, I could be tempted back to X Factor yet!