They may be not be the worst dresses from the 2017 Golden Globes, but these were bad.
Hailee Steinfeld in Vera Wang.
If you thought the sleeves on Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress couldn’t look worse, here they are in lilac chiffon, and guess what – you were wrong! There’s really only one word for this particular shade of lilac: it’s obnoxious. I don’t even know why they make fabric in this colour, because it’s an insurmountable challenge for any dress – let alone one that’s already fighting a losing battle with the questionable aesthetics of Ballroom Dancing Chic. On a positive note, her makeup is nice.
Gal Gadot in a high end version of that sequinned butterfly top you had in the mid-noughties.
Remember those tops?? Normally I’m a sucker for any hint of print or pattern on the red carpet, but this is not doing it for me. Between the sequinned bodice on her Mugler dress, the necklace, and the plaited ponytail (!) it’s very all dated looking. I guess Gal has been abandoned by fashion for the crime of becoming pregnant. On a positive note, she’s Gal Gadot, and she gets to look like that pregnant.
Chrissy Tiegan in take a wild guess.
Why, it’s Marchesa of course! You can recap my feelings on Marchesa here. Spoiler alert: they’re not positive. Nor are my feelings towards this dress, which I would describe, unforgivingly, as “classic Marchesa”. Seriously, read the recap. On a positive note, I like that she matched her lipstick and accessories to the berry toned beads.
Tracee Ellis Ross in a crime against Tracee Ellis Ross.
Let me be clear. I love this woman, I love Blackish, I whooped when she won her Golden Globe, and I always look forward to seeing her on a red carpet, because as someone once tweeted (and I thought YES!), Tracee Ellis Ross wears clothes like she’s doing them a favour. That makes me all the sorrier to see her in this Zuhair Murad. She genuinely IS doing this a favour, because she deserves better. It’s ill-proportioned, it looks painful, and I don’t know what is happening on the hips here. On a positive note, her jewellery game is off the chart.
Anna Chlumsky in a work in progress.
Because that’s what this is right? Roland Mouret draped some fabric around her, pinned it to an ad hoc strap of some sort, and told her he’d be back to finish it later. He never came back, so she had a local dressmaker cut her out of it, throw a zip in the side seam, and call it a day.
That’s what happened, right? Because this is a mess. There’s not a dart to be seen! If this is what passes for a red carpet gown these days, I’m cranking up my sewing machine again.
On the plus side…
…I don’t think she cares. She’s great.