That’s the only explanation for what is going on here.
I wish I could say this was Jennifer Aniston’s “I don’t need awards, I don’t need an Oscar, I’ve got a great suit suit!”
But it isn’t. It’s Gucci, and maybe it’s the necklaces making it look dated, or maybe it’s the fact that an over-sized suit is where it’s at this season, but this isn’t working for me. With that said…
They don’t come more oversized than Andrea Riseborough’s Escada suit and this really isn’t working for me either.
From promising but unsuccessful to downright failures, when I see a dress described as “custom” fit this badly, it makes me want to scream.
Amy Adams’ custom Max Mara has (mostly unidentifiable) lumps and bumps in all the wrong places. If there’s one fabric that won’t forgive sloppy sewing or shaping it’s this. Poor show, Team max Mara.
Ditto Team Lanvin. This looks like something the Emanuels would have designed for my Sindy in 1986. Not saying I wouldn’t have loved it then, and my Sindy would’ve it killed it at the opera in this little number, but coming from Lanvin in 2015, and on Reese Witherspoon, this is… just perplexing.
As is this Pucci on Emily Blunt…
It’s not terrible, and on this particular night of dire dresses it probably left her somewhere in the top five, but it’s just a strange choice for her. It’s not often you look at what Emily’s wearing and think “I mean, I can see this on Elizabeth Hurley…”, but I can. It’s split to the groin, obviously, and there’s some dramatic cleavage going on in that peephole, but red, sequinned cleavage peepholes are not for everyone.
Nor are polo necks.
Although I actually do like this neckline on her Valentino couture – and I suspect it might be a response to the criticism of her ill-fitting cut-out bodice at the Golden Globes – I think the rest of the dress is letting her down. The full-length lace skirt is a strange cut, not really full enough to be “full”, but full enough to look frumpy with that enclosed neckline. A wide boat or v neck might have worked better.
Now THIS is full enough to be full. I loved elements of this Dior couture collection, especially the astronaut inspired dress that Felicity Jones wore at the UK premiere of The Theory of Everything, but even though these are cut from the same cloth (not literally – Felicity’s had a waffle texture), where I loved that on her, Marion’s feels a little too plain. A NASA badge here or a little embroidery there – even just some of that waffle texture – might have made this something really special. As is, it’s leaving me cold.
And Felicity herself didn’t fare much better. She’s been on such a roll this awards season, and Dior have been doing right by her, but this is Dolce & Gabanna, and this might answer that question I had about whether Dior could dress both Felicity and Marion at the Oscars.
I guess not. I hope she comes up with something that fits better than this dour disaster. It’s bizarre for something light and partially sheer to look so big and heavy, but this really isn’t doing her any favours, and the slightly lank looking fringe is only adding to the sulky teenage gothiness of it.
And this is her more polished, slightly cheerier goth mother.
Honestly, these women woke up that morning to the news that they’d just been nominated for Oscars, couldn’t they have gone for something even slightly more effervescent?
Meanwhile, joining Jen A in the putting-on-a-brave-face club, Angelina Jolie aimed for “Old Hollywood”…
… got “Waxwork of herself in a dress from the evening wear sale rack at TK Maxx.” It’s Atelier Versace, and we all know that Angelina is no fashion girl, and as we learned from her wedding dress, her allegiance to the house seems to be based more on personal affection for the staff there than on any desire to push the fashion envelope with them. But man, when they steer her wrong they really go for the jugular It might be time for her to question whether that affection runs both ways.
Rounding out the 2015 Critics’ Choice Awards fashion shit show, which I’m retrospectively renaming “When Stars Dress Themselves: The Horror!”, I hated this rhinestoned Antonio Berardi on Jessica Chastain…
She looks like a hostess in an over-priced Chinese restaurant in Las Vegas. I also want better than this Miu Miu for Jenny Slate…
…though I am THRILLED that she won something for her performance in Obvious Child, which was one of my favourite films of 2014 and deserves waaaaay more awards show love than it’s been getting… And I wish Kiera’s elegant Delpozo was a less insipid shade of duck eggy grey, OR that the embellishments just complimented the base the colour a little better.
Finally, by virtue of the fact that I can’t find anything bad to say about it, Michelle Monaghan’s Elie Saab makes her my best dressed at the 2015 Critics’ Choice Awards.
Though that sounds like I’m damning with faint prise, in fact I do genuinely like this. It’s what Rosamund’s could have been, and Felicity’s should have been, in that it’s a high neck in lace that doesn’t look at all frumpy, and it’s sheer and black without seeming heavy or funereal.
It also works really well with her pared back face and loosely pulled back hair, and the not-too-strong berry lip keeps it nice and feminine. Well played Team Monaghan, though it’s not like anyone gave you a run for your money.
EXCEPT Diane Kruger, who looks like a very elegant dinner service in this strapless Naeem Khan…
but she claims not to use a stylist anyway, so she’s disqualified because her natural abilities in this arena give her an unfair advantage.